The Thirtysomething Dilemma: Background and Impact

Is this everything? Am I doing work that really suits me? Questions like these haunt the thoughts of many thirty-somethings. Especially those with strong educations and promising careers. They have accumulated experience and some even have relationships and families already. Yet dissatisfaction lurks. Stress, insomnia, burnout and depression can rear their heads. The culprit? Choice stress. Read more or start with the thirty-something dilemma test.

Choice Stress and the Overwhelming Supply

Choice stress is a phenomenon that many people, but especially those in their thirties, suffer from these days. Why is that? For the thirty-somethings of previous generations, there was often not much to choose from, so it was very clear to them which path they would take. Today's thirty-somethings, however, grew up with the idea that their world consisted of a sea of possibilities. But is having a lot of choice actually that pleasant? 

Suppose you want to buy toothpaste. You go to the supermarket and walk to the dental care section. Once there, you are overwhelmed by a wall of shelves, all displaying different types of toothpaste. You begin to hesitate. What are you really looking for in a toothpaste? Shouldn't you go for a different brand? But which brand? Your head is spinning. Then maybe no toothpaste at all? Choice stress.

Several studies have shown that the more choices there are, the less easy it is to make a choice. This even leads in some cases to people no longer making a choice at all. Also, people more often doubt their made choice more often afterwards. Since too much choice was found to be the reason for stress and doubt in these studies, it is therefore not at all surprising that many current thirty-somethings struggle with structural doubts.

The Pressure of Success and Discovering Your True Self

Choice stress can stem from the desire for success. The vast choices create pressure to make the "right" decision. You are responsible for your own success and failures. But where does this desire for success come from? Is it imposed from the outside or does it come from within? Do you dedicate yourself to your own happiness or that of others? And who actually determines that success is necessary?

The Quest for Your Inner Self: Self-Knowledge and Impeding Thoughts

A lack of clarity about your true desires makes making choices difficult. The overwhelming number of options only adds to the confusion. Especially when you have multiple interests, it is difficult to determine which path to take. How do you discover what you really want? Not by comparing yourself to others, but by digging deep within yourself. Real choices arise from self-knowledge. After all, another person can never understand how it feels inside of you.

Coaching thirty-somethings' dilemma: two solutions

How can I coach the thirty-something dilemma? Very simple, I know all about it. Not only am I an experience expert myself, as a coach in Amsterdam I have been dealing with this topic for some time. That enables me to tackle these questions with you. With my philosophical practice and as a counselor and coach in Amsterdam I have a lot of experience in the field of life questions. From this position, I believe that the problems of thirty-something dilemma coaching and burnout coaching are based on two fundamental principles: making authentic choices and awareness of obstructing thoughts.

Meaning and Authentic Living

Many of the questions facing thirty-somethings have to do with meaning. Have I made the right choice? Shouldn't I take a trip around the world after all? Shouldn't I pursue my passion more? What is really important to me?

To find out what you really want I have only one solution: you will have to get to know yourself. When you really get to know yourself, you will discover what makes you happy. This may sound abstract, but a good view of yourself will reveal what gives your life meaning and purpose. In this way you can learn to make choices that suit you as a unique individual. There is then, so to speak, an interaction between you and the choices you make, a dynamic through which you enter into an intrinsic relationship with that choice. This makes it easier to stick with a choice. After all, you are more convinced of the usefulness of that choice to you as a person.

Overcoming Obstructing Thoughts

A second problem I see a lot with thirty-somethings and others struggling with choice stress is living with limiting beliefs. What does this entail? You may be familiar with the realization that you unconsciously constantly compare yourself to others. You always see others as more successful, more successful, smarter and so on. Constantly comparing yourself to others is an unhealthy attitude in life. First, the image you have of others is often an idealized one: everyone tries his best to appear as successful as possible to others, but reality is sometimes a very different story. Second, there is a fundamental belief hidden beneath this comparison, namely that you are therefore less. Not good enough. That you should be as successful as others. 

The fundamental belief that you are not good enough is what I call a limiting belief. There are many beliefs that can lurk under your skin and, without you realizing it, can determine your behavior and the choices you make. If you believe that you are not allowed to be there as a person, or that you cannot do it anyway, you will not be able to act as a confident and convincing person. Because unconsciously you are constantly fighting with that belief. What to do. Become aware of your limiting beliefs and help get rid of them! Read here more or watch the webinar I gave on this topic.

Know yourself = be yourself

I am convinced that when you address these two things, you get to know yourself better. And when you know yourself better, you can become yourself! You will find that things will come more naturally, that you will get into a flow. You experience that you are appreciated for who you are and that you are more comfortable in your own skin. All these positive elements contribute to a meaningful and meaningful life. This makes the thirty-something dilemma or quarterlife crisis not an annoying existential crisis, but an enormous opportunity. If you take it seriously, you have a chance for a much richer and happier life. Watch our online training on how to get to know yourself (personal power) or watch my webinar on how to make authentic choices (personal power webinar) here.

Want to know more about the thirty-something dilemma?

The paradox of choices: it was scientist Barry Schwartz, who first brought to light how paralyzing a large amount of choices actually is.